


dream of you.

by saturnsy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, F/M, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22361863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnsy/pseuds/saturnsy
Summary: (Y/N) Hux is Armigate Hux's sister and right arm, but pursued by unexplained events since her childhood and with equally unexplainable dreams, which she never managed to unravel, that always when she woke up brought her an incomprehensible feeling of emptiness and loss. Immersed in an identity crisis, (Y/N) decides to abandon her post in some First Order ship and finally go to the command base where her brother resides, where she meets the mysterious, captivating and confusing Kylo Ren.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this fic is a project that was a process of creating the plot where i hesitated on many things. it's a mystery and despite what it appears in the prologue, there are no extensive and excessive dramas, just enough for the plot to intertwine with the past, present and future here and much of this "drama" will be in the past. rest assured that it's even more mystery and mysticism. 
> 
> the fanfic demands that dreams be told in the first person and that will be you. In this case, (Y/N). I only ask for patience, it is confusing and very intense. the personality of the character (you) is made up of various changes and experiences, it is a character that I have placed every piece of my soul, which really surprises me that I propose to write something that may become personal in some aspects, while I hope to surprise you with Kylo/Ben.
> 
> I hope you have fun reading.
> 
> Have a good read!

Prologue.

(Y/N) dream point;

Through my eyes that turned to its dark sky, I could feel the soft drops of rain caressing my skin, sliding down my cheek. I can't describe the anguishing sensations and torments that unfold within me like thousands of pins poking through my heart, every bitter taste in my mouth of a sense of loss promising to kill me. The sweet bitter irony unveils me like an open book because all I can think about is the height below my feet from that balcony with the so beautiful and eye-catching sight of medieval houses, which sounded even romantic, in the desire to climb and jump... I can't control it. I feel like a mere spectator of my own pain, of my own desires, desires and misplaced pretensions.

I feel my tears mingle with the raindrops, warm and painful. I can't remember the face of the one I miss so much, I haven't felt the taste of his lips for so long, the memory of his smell vanished with time and that was so, so intolerable. I can't remember his name or his face. The most painful thing was not knowing who I had lost, I seem to be in a body that looks like mine, with a voice that looked like mine... A television viewer experiencing someone else's experience.

I wanted it to have an end, it's suffocating me inside this body and I can't control my movements, my hands closing on my own wrist incessantly, the scratches that hurt my skin trying to contain the pain, so useless. "Stop you stupid! It's useless, it's just hurting itself, no one can take that much pain". I wish I could open my mouth and scream, but I shouldn't even listen to my thoughts. Two spirits in one body.

Finally I can feel the giving up of hurting my own skin, the long fingernails loosening in the grip of the wrist vein, aiming to pierce. The recognition is a deafening thump for my host. There was nothing more to be done, it wouldn't stop. I feel my soft walk, the footprints in the small pools of rain washing the blood from the wrists and the tips as my arms fall close to my body. I look up at the wet city seen from above, then down, the moon illuminating the streets warmly and everything I still had of my beloved was heard clearly in the thoughts of my hostess. I never saw him, but I loved him because that stewardess loved him.

"Don't worry, we'll live forever if they find us." I could hear that so beautiful voice that it brought me involuntary sobs and the cry of hatred that escaped through my throat when on an impulse I held the siege of rocks in the tower. That made me less terrified of the decision. The pain would only stop like this. With an enviable balance, I climbed into what separated me from a mortal fall, then my eyes rose again to the sky. Despite the rain it was so beautiful, but without colour. I opened my arms and took impulse forward.

And I fell.

So fast, my heart raced to the last second and then came darkness.

Narrator;

You wake up breathless, sweat dripping down your forehead. You push your hand into the feverish skin of your face, and the heart racing like in that dream was still there, begging you to stop beating fast or just stop beating. Raise your hands in front of your eyes and see only old marks that you don't know exactly when you made them, but you know you made them in your troubled adolescence. Not her. You pull your knees to your own chest, the low cry stuck in your throat finally coming, tearing apart your whole being.

For a few seconds of pure weakness of something supposedly overcome, you wish you had the courage to jump as your dream host. And like every morning, you sit on the expensive sheets of your bed as the crying crisis passes and crawls out, into the huge bathroom of a huge, empty room as you feel. Before entering the bathroom, you look at the empty bed and touch your own lips, wishing to return to the blurry dream of days ago that you could barely remember beyond quick flashes and feel those lips against yours, that taste of that unknown like the good insane you were, wishing nearby someone you never knew and was the fruit of a perplexed mind.

You slam the door hard and walk in front of the mirror, taking the toothbrush and placing the paste, then pushing against your own mouth. The woman takes the towel and dries her hands and face to raise her gaze in the mirror, with a repressed sigh. You hate the reflection person, so unhappy and unlucky.

"You are a failure, (Y/N). Stop trying." You ask your reflection, but your stranger acquaintance kept staring at you in anticipation of a better day.

And as incredible as it may seem, you don't mean professional failure. Oh no... You're a kind of failure that no outsider could identify, a failure with yourself. All you had was the reputation of a good pilot and commander. some said you were better than many official pilots. And a better commander than your brother, Armitage Hux. But that wasn't enough for you. For some reason, with every step you took forward, two steps seemed to be taken backwards.

You have this distressing feeling that you've needed something since childhood. It began so imperceptibly, and it grew until you began to feel something rooted in your early preadolescence, so strong and strange dreams took hold of you in a robbery. Every time you woke up, those dreams practically slipped from your memory, except for the sense of realism that you had and still have. It gradually worsened as you became a young woman who needed to understand that your body was seen as an object for many and that there was a pattern of beauty that you were not in, you felt strange... So strange that everyone who has gone through your life hasn't lasted a week, even if potentially you could come to love someone.

It's been about four years that you've dreamed of this stranger from another time, as if you were a character in a movie, with such intensity that you felt every time you lay down with another man as if you were betraying him. Betraying someone who doesn't exist, you were an insane person that the psychologists at your base couldn't correct.

Every day you beg for yourself... You don't feel like fighting anymore. "Please let this nightmare end soon." You look down at your hands leaning on the sink and then at the mirror image. And how you hate her for being so deeply cowardly. The rebellion rises in your chest, and so uncontrolled in your impulses, your fists go into the mirror, punching and breaking into pieces. You cry in your own emptiness, crying the pain of the shards piercing your skin. All it took was for you to pull your fists to your chest and sit on the floor with your head resting on your head.

"Girl.." The maid who looked after you as if you were her mother rushed into the bathroom without even knocking or asking permission.

"Let me, please... You don't need to see this" you didn't even look at her, ashamed of your own attitude, with the hoarsest voice of all that crying. She didn't know and also didn't fight back anything you have to say to her, she just kept quiet, opting for the certainty of wise silence.

There were no reprimands, Mrs. Magda pulled you by the arm and took you out of the bathroom. She took care of your wounds and put on the bandage after the dressing without complaining once. You were able to thank her in a low voice, not only for the dressing, but for understanding that you were on one of your worst days again... Even if there was doubt that you ever got out of those bad days.

"Did you dream about that boy again?" asks Madga naturally and you can say that you always look at her the same way when you felt the lady's empathy in not finding you a total lunatic and treating you as if the unknown and host of your dreams were real.

"No." You let out a sad, nervous laugh. You wish you'd dreamed, but what good would it do? You never remember your face or your name. It's just the vague recollection of the voice timbre that made you wake up with your chest tight with longing for someone who doesn't exist, not in that cloth and doubted it existed in any other.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Mrs. Magda offers, leaning her hand on her knee with a squeeze of comfort. 

"I don't remember very well, Magda. I can only say about the anguish and the sadness in the dream... I wanted my life to end so badly, I felt that he died even though he promised me that we would live forever. It's insane, I know that. I just wanted to wake up with a real memory of his name or a glimpse of his face." You can feel your voice breaking in half, your heart didn't even know if it still existed.

You wondered why. You have a lot of money, but it wouldn't bring back anyone you've already lost, it wouldn't cure this ridiculous obsession with a man of your dreams. Nothing fills you, nothing leads to an ounce of happiness. You're lost and you don't know why. Some of the dreams you told us were really heavy, you remembered until today the whip hitting your back on one of them. You forced a smile to calm her down.

"(Y/N)... I support you, you know that, but you need someone real, baby." Madga always tries her best, but you know she doesn't understand the fact that you love someone who doesn't exist so intensely that you feel dirty and promiscuous for getting involved with other men. Nobody was to blame. Only you.

"I know, Magda. I'm really trying, but it's so hard. There are days when it's hard to breathe." It shakes your head negatively, absorbed and enveloped by a world that didn't even seem real.

The impression you're given is that things could get better if you had that stranger in your arms and that would be your reproach. All right, you have almost nothing, just a family member, two friends, almost nothing, but to be but it would be better if you had the man of your dreams in your arms. You swore you'd love him with your whole being and be someone better for him. You'd even go to the Resistance if he wanted you to.

A chaotic fantasy.

"Go take a bath and get dressed, dear. Lagertha called again and wants to see you in the rest room." Magda always understands your expression that it would be somewhat unfortunate to continue the matter. There's nothing she couldn't tell you about her lost love of dreams that you no longer know.

You can only nod before you get up and walk to the bathroom again, seeing that Magda sent someone to clean up the mess while she was giving you a bandage. The fact was that without Madga you are nothing. You weren't her real maid, you didn't see her like that. You "paid" her very well so that she could support her twin grandchildren that her mother died in childbirth, she had a humble and suffering life story and you took pity when you entered her house in a First Order attack. You gave up trying to take her as a prisoner or something, so you asked her if she was your private employee and there you were. At the end of the day.

You take off your clothes and open the shower in warm water after removing the dressing. You feel the drops hitting your skin, washing and massaging your shoulders that slightly began to turn red. Then you lift your face up, your eyes close and then the feeling of déjà-vu takes hold of your whole being. You can feel the anguish again, you can feel the voice of your stranger known in your mind so clearly, he laughed and called you, he promised to love you and that you would live forever, at the same time he was warm and filled you completely. You open your frightened eyes, feeling an intense wave of dizziness reach you. You moan with frustration at having lost your voice that rarely appears so clearly while you were awake.

You take your bath carefully because of your wounded hands, and then go out to get dressed and make a new dressing. The chosen outfit is nothing new; a black trouser with a high waist slightly tightening its few curves and which was ceritified, even with the smooth black cape that nothing would be marked and the equally black shirt perfectly aligned. On the feet the old and good cotton.

The resting room was not too far from his room, much less lavished with the same luxury. You sit on the sofa and wait for Lagertha to arrive a few minutes late as usual.

"You are late. I'm not a plantation to stand around doing photosynthesis while I wait for you, Lagertha." You get your friend's attention as soon as she sits next to you. 

"Hi, good morning, (Y/N). How have you been? I'm fine, thanks for asking!" Lagertha fights back with sarcasm, making you arch your eyebrow. 

"I didn't ask you" you shrug with mockery. "You're always so punctual, methodical, categorical and always so blunt." Lagertha groaned in disgust, making you laugh a little.

"So, press me" you wave your hand so that the woman begins to speak. It wasn't as if you weren't oblivious enough not to know you had obligations to fulfill as soon as possible. 

"I don't intend to pressure you," (Y/N). I know you've been going through a delicate time and you can't command the missions or fly, but it's been a while... Commanding and piloting has always been everything to you, it's not healthy to go that far." Lagertha seems really willing to try a more lenient tactic, but you've never worked with lenient ways of dealing with yourself.

"And the others? You know I won't blame you for what you have to say to me, Lagertha." You give all the understanding you can to make Lagertha understand that you wouldn't be hurt or even rude to her.

"They gave me a deadline. They want (Y/N) Hux back or at least a draft of her in four months, you have eight months to be who you really are and command the most important missions again." Lagertha informed you.

You agree silently with the head. Normally you'd meet that deadline even before, give them a taste of what the Hux did; they'd sneak in and then attack. But you have to admit that you didn't feel like you did before, and maybe you're more lost of yourself every day than before. But it's not Lagertha's problem, neither are the other generals.

"I'm still in trouble. I feel like a machine without enough oil." You say in a low voice to Lagertha, the pride eating away at you for assuming you're stuck and too fragile to go on.

"(Y/N)... I know this base is really incredible, I know you love living here, I know you love to see the little blue ball we call Earth through your room, but maybe it's time to let go of this place for a few months. Have that rest away from here, look for your brother, people, culture and an environment that restores you, take all the plans of attack and make them. Just take your time away from here." You raised your eyes, surprised by the suggestion.

"Get me away from here?" quest.

"Staying here and being pressured is not gonna help you at all. It will. Spend a few months with your brother, meet people, preferably men or if you want women too." That's really an incentive, even though you feel a tremor as you imagine someone in your bed having such a fresh, sweet memory of the voice of your stranger known. All right, you can tell yourself that you're not really going to look for anyone under those conditions. You don't want to.

"That sounds like a good idea to try to help me. But I'm leaving all the other commitments here?" You frown, worried.

"Leave it. I'll take care of everything for you. Just have fun and come back like the bossy one you always were."

You agreed, and gradually, the subject became a place for tribal conversation. 

Yeah, maybe you really are a masochist and a proud loner after all.


	2. Brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back with another chapter. i hope you like it. 
> 
> enjoy your reading.

Lagertha took you to the little ship and gave you a tight hug, making sure you're really okay. You can see your fear of a relapse while she's away and couldn't keep up with you, but at some point you recognize that you can't have a nanny forever. Even though you are grateful and admit it, you have needed a babysitter a lot and regret that Lagertha has reached the point of staying up all night with you. You're ashamed to remember that.

You sit in the armchair of the small special ship used only for commercial travel. The ship lifts your flight and you see the window taking altitude, in minutes you see the window being covered by the vast universe. You touch your lower lip, the disturbing voice resounding in your mind, the velvet laughter bringing you to the tidal wave of emotional charges that should not exist, should not be there. Yet you close your eyes and with pleasure, you remember the dream you had the night before as much as you can, satisfying yourself with the blur that was on the face of your stranger known and sighing because in the dream, you have the memory of how fleshy your lips were, but you feel agony in your being, you cannot remember your face, your name, your smell. You know the texture of your lips, but never your taste.

The consequence, you can feel so intensely on your skin that your heart desperately pulsates in a painful way and all the sensation of being incomplete forever fills you, and you feel the same desire to drown yourself in a precipice. You are traveling to your brother's base with the intention of disconnecting from problems, but then you realize here and now that you could never disconnect from these strange dreams, you feel so swallowed up and entangled by the man in that dream... Oh no... He doesn't want you to take the time off from martyring for not having him, he almost laughs at you as if you were his invisible friend and you were five years old again.

You open your eyes of guess, letting yourself get lost in reality and not in illusions. Again, the bitter taste in your mouth prevailed, and you may realize that even if you found the inspiration you needed, just a few trails of fighting and combat were no longer enough for you. Then you cogitate Lagertha's idea about the men there and an ironic smile paints on their lips. Yes, people to make you feel guilty for loving someone who doesn't exist seems like a great idea. 

All the men you've had so far, none were good enough. Not because they didn't smell good, they weren't pretty or seduced you enough, but because they weren't the nameless stranger. You wanted him or you're not good enough. It's absurd. You shake your head negatively, refusing to imagine that you're going to remain attached to someone who doesn't exist. You're able to feel the guilt tearing at you for thinking of someone else, as if you belonged to someone else. And if there was an unknown force that connects you to that someone, you need to let go.

Just let go. Yes.

Do something you haven't done since you were a child, always lost before those enigmatic, mysterious dreams. Maybe you should just hold your brother and cry like you've never cried before. Yeah, you'd definitely do that.

You hold a tired sigh and support your head in the armchair of the ship. You knew that going to your brother's base without doing any jumping would take a while, so God's eyes slowly close and you are struck by darkness as if the universe hugged you so tightly for a deep sleep and enveloped you with a gentle caress to lead you into the abyss of the Dream World.

BAH!

(Y/N) dream point.

I know this place because I've been here thousands of times before. Nothing but the fullness of peace bypasses me inside my host while my eyes soar into the blue sky, the bird that I have also seen other times, but what intrigues me is the rare peace, the rare calm. I still have no control over my movements, but that's okay, this time I don't want to have, this time I don't want to run to a tower and throw my body to the ground. I wouldn't agonize.

The fingers touch the green grass calmly and I can see that the body of this stewardess who I am sure is not me on a blanket. I feel what she feels, I know what she thinks, my mouth moves uncontrollably because she wants it that way and I don't know who this woman is any more than I know who is her beloved, my beloved. I'm not able to recognize it. And even if I don't control it, I feel the smile full of tenderness and love opening in my lips and my eyes closing.

Somehow, I am not surprised by the curvilinear male body weighing on mine, enveloping me in its warmth and smell making my heart sluggish. The best perfume I have ever felt in my life, as if it had stolen the perfume from all the roses in the world. I feel his fingers closing on my wrists and lifting to the top of my head dominating me and I like it. This body recognizes and knows absolutely all the intentions of this man, proclaims me as his with amusement and I cannot pretend that I do not belong to him, so I feel the same as the host, the comfort of being submissive, not to a body on top of mine, but submissive to the bittersweet sensation that spreads from the tips of my fingers to the soles of my feet in the purest form of unconditional and irrevocable love. 

"Tell me, my angel..." I don't know what that low voice asks of my ear, I feel dazed as the calm of my host mixes. So real that I almost forget that I'm just a spectator.

"I say whatever you wish, my love, just release my wrists and let me touch your skin to relieve my heart and satiate my desires to have the most beautiful of this village in my arms." My mouth moves without permission. But now... The grip wasn't strong, I could just pull, but no... my stewardess wouldn't. I didn't want to get rid of the grip, and I want to swallow it dry when I realized that all that kept us alive that way is that grip. I love the prison I'm put in, I don't want to escape.

"The most beautiful? You're always so exaggerated!" That voice was the conductor of peace in my life at that moment. If the world burns, then it's all right, I have it.

"I'm not. That imbecile covets you, soon your father will be making a deal with hers. And that's it! Marriage arranged in the garden of her giant house." I have no idea what's being said, but the bitter anger is felt.

I have neither the answer nor the pleasure of hearing the sweet sound of his voice, but I feel my private prison crumble and the boy's breath beat to my lips. Open your eyes. I beg my stewardess. I want to see him with all that is in me. But he didn't. There was no hesitation when he better shapes his body to mine, squeezing me against him and plucking an involuntary sigh from my lips. My arms move and without permission, hold the boy's curly black hair and squeeze him even tighter against me. How I wanted to feel his hair. But I didn't. All I knew was that I had my hand in it.

"Say it" asked again, that velvety whisper that left me completely without everything in me and the unmeasured intensity when he touched my thigh under the blanket and the dress and made me gasp and lose all awareness of what I was doing.

"I love you and I will love you until the last star in the sky goes out." I moved my lips to whisper against the ears of the boy I felt smiling against my skin, descending to kiss his neck, his throat and finally reaching my lips.

My breath took the phenomenal taste of his fleshy lips that moved against mine, wet and jars, so soft mixed with the smell of the field. My salvation in my arms, loving me as if I were worth much more than anything in the galaxy. To be loved like this is surreal and perfect. And since I want it, I want no one else. With that kiss I feel filled, whole. There are no pieces in me that have shattered with it. My peace and my sweet firmament about who I am and how far I can go. I would die with joy if I were to die for this man or with him.

I do not know his name, I have never seen his face, I only love him with such passion, so inexplicably.

"I love you... Open your eyes" murmured only to me.

And I did.

BAH!

Narrator;

You open it so, once again, it's all just a damn dream. The pilot swung you gently over his shoulders. He blinks, having trouble keeping his eyes open, and straightens himself in the chair trying to sound professional.

"Excuse me, ma'am. I was sweating cold and murmuring I apologize for the boldness." the man apologizes with a certain fear in his eyes, for what? You weren't mean and you weren't throwing tantrums at your employees.

"Oh, it's okay. I shouldn't have slept. Are we there yet?" You talk backwards and even a little shy. It's not your intention to be a nuisance to anyone, least of all your pilot who would still have to return to your base. 

"You looked exhausted!" the man lets you get away with making you laugh. Even if your employees knew they could play with you sometimes, some didn't take a chance and maybe that guy over there wanted to take a chance. "We just landed, so I woke you up."

You thank him and you fix your hair, which is loose. The dream... You can't remember it, all the sensations disappearing as quickly as you wake up, leaving you here in a sea of ridiculous frustration. The pilot leaves the ship before you can move or say anything else. You stretch your legs if you're cursed to accept Lagertha's ridiculous idea. But after you leave the ship, you automatically smile with the liveliness of the stormtroopers running to one side and the other, it makes you feel life running stronger in your veins.

You see the pilot return to your side, saying he would take you to your new room and then back to your base. When you arrive at your destination, you turn around and warn him to talk to Lagertha that anything was just talking to you through datapad. The same settles in and marches off to the place you were minutes ago. 

When you open the door you are anesthetized by a room visibly too big for one person, only very beautiful too, with a swing with delicate flowers adorned attached to the ceiling of the room and that is what makes the calm travel through your veins. Armitage has always known his passion for swaying, and you could not believe that he managed to put all that away in a short time.

"I took the liberty of asking for a swing for you. Nothing like your luxury swing at your base, but I imagine you were comfortable." Armitage said behind you. You frowned at the redheaded man when he fired a shot at talking without even a hello.

"It was perfect, brother. I thank you for your effort." You speak with conviction, looking at his face. So different but so equal at the same time.

"I missed you! Sometimes I wanted to run and ask what to do about a disgusting man here, but I remembered that you went through it with Bjorn." Bjorn! There's another one of your mistakes! A high-ranking person and well, your ex-boyfriend. 

"What man? Why didn't you come to me?"

"Some man. You'll surely see him marching around the base in that ugly mask, thinking he's the boss of something!" The anger was explicit in your brother's voice. "But don't worry, he won't hurt you." You smiled. You didn't understand why the man would think of hurting you.

"I'll be fine. Thank you, Armi. I slept on the flight, so you just saw me shower and put my wardrobe away. After I'm done I'll try to find you or probably sleep." The man had a laugh.

"Have a nice bath, (Y/N). If you want to meet me, I'll be in the medbay. Get a good rest." You settle down and hold him. He says goodbye quietly, and you wave into the room. 

From the inside the room is even bigger and extremely empty, just like your room in its own base. It feels like something you're meant to deal with and it's all right because you've gotten used to imagine that your destiny is loneliness. Maybe you pay for something you did in your past life, who knows? Everything you touch turns to ashes and it's not something you can explain. You even like that loneliness and you even like it to be your companion at all hours. After a few minutes standing in the middle of the room watching your new home, you sigh and move, going to the bathroom.

Entering the place, you feel a bit of mockery running through your body when you see that the bathtub was swinging. And that your bathroom had no door. Soon your gaze goes into the equally glass box with shower and you notice the beautiful details of the sink before your hands go to the buttons on your shirt and take it off your body, you drop it on the floor and then slide your pants high waist down, getting into lingerie.

You turn on the faucet to let the bathtub fill and go to your suitcase, organizing soaps, toothpastes, hairbrushes and teeth, the salts you always use in your baths methodically as the extremely meticulous person you are. Take the bottle of rose petal bath salt and pour it along with the foam. Take off what's left of clothes on your body and get into the warm water bathtub and relax your body as you sit, the foam covering your bust. 

You lose track of time as you almost always do when you are distracted, but a strange feeling makes your heart race and your eyes open, being filled with the vast and sure feeling of being watched. You bend over to the edge of the bathtub, looking at your room, seeing nothing except that swing of flowers moving because of some draft you should have in your room. You're already all around the bathroom and you press your lips when you notice that you're probably going crazy for real and paranoid. You're convinced it's something in your fertile head.

It was with this and the already cold water that you decided to finish your bath and curl up in your white robe to go change in your room. You look around wondering if you could sit down for a while and rest before going to see your brother and talk to him more, your mind weighs and you assume it does. Throwing yourself into bed with your robe and feeling its softness.

After all, you don't feel sleepy, just a slight exhaustion in your body. You look at your bandaged fists when you realize that the wounds were sore. It was a slightly slow process, it burns when you clean the place, but you soon adapt to the pain by putting new bandages in place. Already standing, you change clothes. The same as before, changing only the blouse for a jacket and the cover for an overcoat.

As you walk to the opposite side of the bedroom door, you feel something strange, again that feeling of being watched, which makes you stop walking and turn around opening the door and putting your head out, trying to see something or better, someone.

You can't tell all the emotions that took you. Your hands tremble, your body weakens in an unknown longing. The unfortunate magnetism was there as it had never been before, leaving you trapped in a fascination that numbs your mind. It took long seconds to restore order within yourself with the image of the man standing in the corridor with his back to you. You wished him to turn around, you wanted to see his face and for a few moments you almost called him.

Crazy. You are completely crazy and you cannot call the stranger standing in the middle of the corridor inside your territory. No insanity would justify that. You think about calling your brother, but you give up when no part of you feels afraid, you're just a man. You walk away from the door and walk back to the swing.

You don't know when he left, but several minutes later, the man was no longer standing in the hall. That night, you also had no quiet dreams. You felt a breath hit your face in your sleep, I could have sworn it was known, but the next morning you are convinced that it was a dream sensation, it is not so difficult. That's if a sentence wasn't sounding incessantly in your head.

"I was waiting for you."


	3. Man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good reading and enjoy the chapter.

You think it's weird when everyone at the base without a helmet looks at you like you're some kind of threat. They really look at you with atypical curiosity, and you just came in medbay to ask them to patch your fists. People are so weird sometimes, but well... who are you to point out weird people? Someone even more peculiar than those who look at you like you're an experiment.

"Hey, you..." You call the nurse who was making your bandage.

"Yes, ma'am?" Your voice comes out with a certain tremor. Probably the employees on this base were treated badly, not used to talking to officers without one of them ending up dead - and it wasn't the officer who died.

"I'm sorry to disturb your work, but why does everyone look at me and whisper?" 

The nurse finishes the dressing and looks at you for a few long seconds and then waves so you wait a few minutes, you agree, letting it go. You look at her leaning over the counter and whisper something to an old man present, what you imagine to be the general practitioner and representative. You seem to get instructions, your head swings positively several times, which intrigues you. You look away when you see her making her way back towards you.

"Are you Hux's sister?" The nurse asks quietly, she doesn't seem to want to face you, is she intimidated? That's great. The more intimidated a person gets, the easier it is to get the truth. The question puzzled you, though.

She seems to lose a glance at you, tries to unravel you as a book to read, however, it turns out you're not. You make a point of letting her realize all the barriers she's not going to cross in half a conversation, whatever she wants with you. You want only one answer and nothing else, the rest doesn't matter enough to be discussed.

"Yes. (Y/N) Hux. I'm just passing through." You raise your hand, offering a cordial greeting. Your face would be and not exactly the open type to tell anything of my life if it's there for that.

You don't know why everyone seemed interested in you or why everyone seemed somehow interested in your life. It was uncomfortable and you didn't have the slightest desire to talk about yourself at any time. 

"My name is Amy. Nobody has anything against you or anything like that, it's just that a lot of good... don't like your brother or Ren... A lot of them want to... Well..." Amy hesitates to tell the rest and looks at you suspicious, making you arc your eyebrow and cross your arms below your breasts.

"Clarify this matter for me, Miss Amy, out of kindness." You ask. You're really starting to find grace in how the girl looks disconcerted and looks at your hands.

"Take a good look... Many here know that you're a better general than your brother... I mean, it's just rumors... But many say you're better at all things, and I agree too because you just addressed me like a normal person on a ship. Your brother or Ren would probably have destroyed that chair by now. But they're just rumors about you. They're not bad," she was looking at you again, looking for answers for something you won't give her.

"And you think it's real? The rumors?" 

"Well, like I said, you're talking to me like I'm someone else. And not destroying my place of work, so yes, you do look a lot better than your brother. And Ren." Again, this Ren shows up in conversation.

"I'm sorry but... Who's Ren?" You ask genuinely curious about the name so spoken.

"Don't you know Ren?" You deny it. "Well, you will. He's not very nice. And I ask you with all my heart not to say anything you think he'll take to the staff, otherwise he'll end up just like the old nurse here. Cut in half by his pet lightsaber." You let out a laugh with the daring nurse who allows herself to smile.

"Fair! Thank you and I'm sorry to take up your time at work." You just talk, shrugging and allowing the nurse to get back to her work while you walk away from medbay. 

You walk into your room and swear to be as distracted as you almost always are, thinking about all things at once, your mind in a ceaseless work of endless possibilities about the life you might have here, and for a few moments, you give a humorless smile when you realize that you've barely arrived and already think you can stay longer than planned, but you know that's not possible. You have to go back to your own base and dye satisfaction on life that never existed.

You enter your room with a deep sigh, a stuffed animal resides in your bed. Salem. The first stuffed animal your brother, Armitage, gave you. You named the stuffed animal after one of your dreams. Your sweet beloved man was fascinated by the stories of Salem... He spoke so well to you while he kissed your lips and provoked your neck. This was always a striking feature of the man of your dreams, you felt his sensuality exhale, hypnotize you and take away all his reason. I would like to have you in my hands to possess you as I wished and you would leave because you were never anything less than his. And you paid attention in your Salem classes.

You take a sigh and go into the bathroom washing your face with cold water. You look in the mirror. There you were, your own stranger known, just no stranger than the man of your dreams. And even if you try, your beloved was in me without even existing. How do you do it? It seems so insane to you to love someone like that, as if you were born cursed to this utopian love that only exists in your mind.

It seems so much like you, but it's not you. Your soul begs and your heart bleeds, there wasn't even real life in that stranger in the mirror. 

You can see how you let yourself be carried away by loneliness in that room, with loneliness and a stuffed animal as company. The solitude that was easy to succumb to, the imminent emptiness that lay in you nothing more than guiding you day after day without you knowing the intention, without an instruction manual, just follows... So complex that you feel guided by your own wrong choices. You give an empty, humorless smile for the swing and turn your back to the place. 

The idea was just to go find your brother, but you swallow dry and your heart speeds up so fast that you feel something sore, your whole body shakes or burns, you can't even describe it, but there it was... The man from the previous day standing in the corridor, still with his back to you and making it impossible for you to see his face.

Somehow you remember the nurse talking about Ren and you can't not associate, but you can't be less curious when you sneak up behind the man than if they were me. You keep your distance as your hands tremble with anxiety as you watch the man snap his fingers. You know you must break the silence, but your voice is lost. What is he doing here? Standing in the hallway like a madman?

"Aren't you going to say anything?" The chills started from the top of his head and spread to the soles of his feet when the laughter echoed so clearly through his ears as if he took life from his dreams..."...Miss Hux?" The voice calls again, but it doesn't turn and your body is astonished to see that your last name sounds so beautiful coming out in that tone of voice.

"Do you know that technically this is home invasion?" Your mouth moves with the first stupid thing you can think of amidst your incoherence. You can't decipher the state of lethargy that's inserted, much less when I hear the man's loud sigh. It wasn't home invasion at all, you didn't live in the hall.

"Not technically." He turns his face away as if to look back, but it was such an imperceptible move... He didn't turn, but clearly I see him in profile now. So beautiful and so...

I step back when I see him move his shoulders, the light on the ceiling illuminating his curvilinear silhouette no less dazzling, and you become irreducibly absorbed in that image that looks more like a mirage, the light finally giving you the impressive sight of his face. You're not usually impressed by the beauty of men, not in this way... But you feel in the depths of your core that you have waited a long time to see it, specifically it...

The white skin, the beautiful nose, the medium dark hair in wavy cascades on your shoulders, the fleshy, well outlined lips and the beautiful jaw... So distracted, you descend your eyes vaguely through the body of the man, capturing all the details that the light that illuminated him allowed you to see him and simply venerate what you see so closely as you have never appreciated any man. It seems so beautiful the unexplained way that wide sleeping pants trekked over his marked calves and how the sleeping shirt also marked his muscles.

"Like what you see?" The sudden questioning takes you by surprise, causing you to raise your gaze and make sure your face has taken on an inevitable reddish tone as you notice a half-smile with malicious pinches and your eyebrow raised delicately.

"Excuse me! I shouldn't even be talking or looking at you, I don't even know you... well...And... You need a room? It's a stupid question, i know. But this is mine so..." You said pointing to your own room, but that was enough for you to pay foolishly in front of it since the words took decades to come out.

The man shakes his head and doesn't even seem bothered by his reprehensible tone of voice from someone who'd like to keep someone else away. He approaches you in slow, tortured steps, pulling a traitorous gaze from his chest. 

"Ah! But I'm not here with interest in the room." The voice cuts your reasoning, making you pay attention to him. It sounded a little malicious, but you see him pigeonhole and direct his gaze to the right corridor. Where you knew you had a training room. 

"I just like to exercise at these times." He finally explained by looking back at you and in front of you. Your eyes are bright and enigmatic... so beautiful...

"Yes, I can understand." You can mumble.

You feel trapped and for a few moments you don't even belong to yourself! You're a stranger, one lost through those eyes that looked at you with creepy depth. You would say you know them from another life, but you feel so guilty for having your heart racing. You slowly lower your eyes to your feet, avoiding the feeling of guilt. You belong to another.

The man seems to smile.

"Kylo Ren." The man stretches his hand in your direction, which makes you move your eyes subtly to the movement. Kylo Ren... The Ren who cut the poor nurse! The Ren your brother didn't like.

"(Y/N) Hux, pleasure." You greet seriously, raising your hand and touching his palm firmly.

The touch seems familiar in its texture, the firmness and delicacy in shaking your hand, the soft skin against your fingers is tempting. The tingling in your palm, so sweet that it made you hold the air and get confused with everything you feel, which drives you away. And you did. You slowly walked away with three steps back, breaking the contention with your fur. You watch the way he stares at you, slowly passing his tongue through your lips.

"The pleasure is all mine, miss (Y/N)... I'm sorry if I invaded your space". Ren seems to bite his jaw in an attractive way and almost irritated by something. Oh! Did you offend him? Well, you hoped not. I didn't want to get killed with a lightsaber.

"Didn't invade! It's all right." You offer him a soft smile as a peace offering. I didn't mean to be rude at first, it was just instinctive. 

"You don't mind?" The man asks lightly, looking deep into you, seems to be looking for something incessantly, something I just can't define. I just feel a pressure in my head about it. 

"It's all right! You can just stand here whenever you want... Anyway... I like the light reflected in you." What? Really, (Y/N)? Was that an involuntary flirtation with a complete stranger who kills people and who might be some kind of psychopath? What's wrong with you? 

The worst thing about this situation is that Ren seems to just like your compliment, coming back in that mean smile that maybe made you want to have some kind of stroke to learn how to deal with so much beauty and still wouldn't be able to avoid thinking he's the most beautiful man you've ever met in your life. That malicious nuance displayed in such a short time that it caught your full, hypnotic attention.

"Thank you for the compliment... You're not so bad yourself... Not bad at all..." You give a hawk, totally baffled by the shameless look that dared to run through your head, as if you appreciated you, something you've been waiting to be appreciated for years.

"É... Well... I must go, make myself at home!" You wrap yourself up like a teenager in your first fling and that's definitely the most embarrassing thing because he seems to be having fun. 

The biggest fact you could offer someone is that you've never had the slightest aptitude for flirting, you've always been shy and if anyone thinks things tend to get better over time, for some people they just get worse.

"It was nice meeting you..." Kylo mumbles slowly, like he wants to say something more, but gives up.

And for a few seconds of pure insanity, I consider the moment I live here and now... On another base, right? That man could just be a man and not what that nurse said... What do you have to lose?

"Sure! And hm... I'm living here alone, if you want to come for breakfast, some company will be good." You offer without thinking twice about your impulsiveness.

Kylo Ren blinked and seemed surprised by your invitation. What did he expect? That you'd flush him out and tell him never to show up in that hallway again? You're too lonely to refuse someone's company after Lagertha is on another base, someone other than Hux to talk to will be good!

"Could be. What time?" Kylo questions you with the soft, hesitant tone of voice. Come on! If you're a killer who breaks people in half, it's you who should be afraid and not the other way around!

"I wake up at 6:00 in the morning... If it's too early..."

"No!" He interrupts you, which makes you stand out and frown at him. In his eyes it seemed the pure form of agony and anxiety. "No... That's a great time! So we go tomorrow?"

You agree in your head, looking alert to the new approach the man was beginning to make, his air being trapped in his lungs to avoid memories of his masculine scent which for some reason attracts you. There is nothing that doesn't attract you to this man and for a few moments it sounds very wrong and something you would do. Apparently an enemy of your brother and you know that you belong to the man of your dreams, you promised yourself to avoid suffering and not try to sleep with another man even if it makes no sense to anyone.

"Tomorrow" you slowly agree, feeling the man get close enough to take my hand and put a gentle kiss on your back, pushing your fleshy lips against your skin, leading you to the extreme shock of attitude, the soft, warm lips on your hand, a free taste of what can become my own hell on earth.

Kylo Ren walks away and then turns to the opposite side, walking without looking back, disappearing through the corridors and letting you stay there, static for a few minutes that seemed eternal before you could move to your brother's quarters.

Whether it was murder, crazy or mirage, whether it was anything... You intended to know who called your attention even if you didn't get involved with him because you feel that...the Connection.


	4. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish you all a good read!

You wake up with the sweat dripping down your face. None of that sweat from the temperature that wasn't even so high in your room is that icy anguish when you struggle so much in bed in the midst of a nightmare. His fast heart is the proof of despair and even with these emotions of helplessness being poured into tears, nothing gets better, it doesn't cleanse the soul and it doesn't get through. You only shrink the body into its frailty, the vulnerability that surrounds you by dozens of marks which you do not even know are real, and the needles which pierce your consciousness in doubt and terror, only feed you that you are being punished for something greater.

You have dreamed of it again. Your love of dreams... The man who has you without you knowing what your face is like or at least your name. You held him in your arms to support your love in its anguish. You vaguely remember the motive, the wounded body and no strength trying to squeeze you... And you hate the one who hurt him. I discover that you hate yourself with ardor because you feel in you that the fault is yours, you insist and she suffers for being as I am.

"Will I finally receive empathy and compassion if I tell you to the pain of my soul? There are no heavens moved in my favor, there are no people by my side if I am able to destroy them." Something in you wants to stop being destructive. Your actions could harm so many people, but no one is hurt more than you for yourself... You know you drive people away constantly, but you think it's for the greater good. You don't know why you bleed in your dreams, but deep down there is the feeling that you should have let your love go, that you caused something irremediable to it. You can't forgive yourself.

In front of the bathroom mirror, you look at the wall clock, seeing that in two hours it would be the time agreed with the man you met yesterday... Man... That cheeky, throwing man. Typical warm-blooded man who doesn't measure obvious and incoherent interests by a stranger. You squeeze your lips thinking about it, which has led you to a new tip of guilt... But you don't want anything to do with it, so there's no reason at all, maybe he has answers about being a really bad commander. If he's a killer, well... his death will be quick and you won't complain about anything else, literally. But maybe your brother will.

You rush to make yourself presentable to the stranger, but in the end, your presentable stop the morning has always been a sweatshirt, a black shirt and bare feet as you head to the kitchen and order some food for the cooks who were already at their posts. You ordered egg tortillas stuffed with vegetables and bananas, pancakes and pumpkin soup. The typical breakfast you had with Lagertha.

After you came back, you heard brief knocks on the door. You wiped your hands and walked to open the door. The image in front of you took you some time to adjust your vision. Absurdly beautiful, Kylo Ren had his helmet on his left arm, his hair loose and shiny, an outfit that looked heavy but was quite charming. You watch your hand leaning on the doorpost and your eyebrow arch completely debauched and malicious as you stand there, standing and staring at what he looks like... glowing above all things. 

"Good morning." What wakes you up is your proud, distant look. Strange. 

"Hello, Ren! Sorry, come in!" You give him a space to pass by, giving him a smile for his self-sufficiency look.

He shakes his head in a way to lighten the fun. And he looks at the room with a coffee table and the swing quickly.

In the first instance, you strange his attitude, strange also his gaze fixed on a portrait door of you and one of your best pilots, Lagertha's brother, in a corner headboard, but it was such a quick attitude, that you soon have all his attention that he checks you from foot to head. You feel an atypical chill running down your spine, a feeling of familiarity so strange and disconnected... You pass your fingers in your arms, trying to soften the chills felt in your skin with that intimate look, going through your body as if it were natural.

You smile and nod your head so he can follow you to the center table. You tell him to sit down at the table while you put the ready-made breakfast on top in a systematically aligned manner.

"Organized," Kylo Ren commented, silently, looking so... nostalgic for the way you move to give him a good breakfast.

Madness.

Madness to have called a stranger for a breakfast... Literally weird... But why then don't you feel like crazy? It feels right, ideal, even if you think you're really needy. Even if it was beautiful, you can state your lack of interest in it, you couldn't be interested in someone real, it would be asking a little too much.

"So, (Y/N)... brave... To venture out there." Kylo starts the conversation in a peculiar way while you sit at the table and serve it with pancakes in the first place. He lets you serve him, even bowing your eyebrow and frowning at the lips in a confusing way.

"What do you mean by that? It looks comfortable here." You just fight back, breaking a piece of the pancake and putting it in your mouth, turning your gaze to watch Kylo slowly lick the piece of pancake stuck in his fork that drips directly onto your tongue before closing your fleshy lips around the fork. He seems more thoughtful at this very moment, does he think of a convincing answer?

The more you look at him, the more he seems intriguing and feels all that again. The magnet pulling you and warning you how inevitable it was... You're not attracted physically, no. As beautiful as Kylo Ren was, it's not about that. It's something that turns your stomach, incomprehensible. It feels like someone you know but so different at the same time and the way he looks at you at that moment as he evaluates you looking for a way to respond, like he knows you for a time you can't count, like he waits for you in very high expectations and that feeling creeps you up to your bones.

"It depends on the point of view, don't you think?" Ren slowly eats again while he looks at you. He seems to want to extend the moment, looks at you with a bit of curiosity and something else I can't identify.

"No. If I'm brave to venture out there, it's because it's dangerous. But here you seem comfortable. Period. What's your point, Ren?" You question it, eating like him, somehow there's a battle in between, impossible to be totally won.

"There's the point! My point is that it's dangerous, yours is comfortable. Do you understand now?" Your eyebrows arc and you go over the answer in your head a thousand times, Ren seems to enjoy leaving you speechless. "Call me Kylo. What do you work for, (Y/N)?" You question, imperceptibly running your tongue through your lips.

"I'm a general. But most of the time, I'm in command." You simply count, hoping it's enough for him.

"Strange for a general not to want to believe such a thing depends on a point of view... You work with points of view, isn't that ironic? You like to be right, (Y/N)? What if I told you that right now the base is under attack? Would you run or try your luck?" He provokes you now, bending over the table with his eyes fixed on you, the challenge there.

You blink slowly, keeping your gaze fixed on hers because I realize that's what he wants, that you weaken or have your eyes drifted away from his for at least a second. Did he really want to induce you to a specific kind of response? You don't change your mind or your opinion that easily. He'd need a lot more if he thought you'd bend over by provocation and innuendo.

"I'm just not one to accept half terms. And who doesn't like to be right? Don't you? Isn't that what you try to do with every argument about little things in your life? I wouldn't run away. Well... maybe I'll call my killer for coffee with me, one more or one less, I doubt it'll make any real difference." You take a sip of orange juice with veiled debauchery, but your answer just made you laugh, finishing your pancakes and going for a piece of tortillas while you pull out your plate of pumpkin soup. "Do you really mix tortillas with pumpkin soup?" You ask, seeing how satisfied he seems about the mixture of the two, and looks at you with so much debauchery as you do the act of carrying the soup with the tortilla in your mouth that you almost give him a smile. Almost, if he wasn't so petulant. He wipes his lips and stares at you. A strange killer.

"Don't deflect from my weird eating habits, miss (Y/N). So you really care if it's dangerous, and you don't intend to leave? They say killers and invaders are very territorial. And you can become their territory too." Their creeps come back so intensely that you have to eat quietly for a few minutes.

"You're right! It doesn't matter!" You simply state, suddenly not feeling the slightest urge to object as you usually do.

Kylo seems to savor a malice of his own, making you squeeze your eyes for it.

A sense of déjà-vu catches you off guard and again it's as if you know these gestures, your tastes, as if you know every inch of that man's dra eating you quietly and undisturbedly. Doubt corrupts you in your innermost desires and goes beyond the healthy limit of what should be asked of a stranger. Well, what are the chances of him becoming some kind of monster? All, as far as you know, but you don't care.

"I feel like maybe we've met... Don't you feel the same, Kylo?" You ask, wiping your mouth after you're satisfied with pumpkin pie.

"Did you come for answers? Peace? Anyone? For any answer from you, yes... So I don't hesitate" you swallow dry, there's a mystical aura involving Kylo in an intimidating way. You seem to guess on your face everything that goes on with you.

"What are you doing here at this hour? Wouldn't you rather sleep?" The sound of the man's laughter was loud. 

"You don't refuse company and unexpected invitations from beautiful women, Miss (Y/N), unless sleep is also an invitation." There he was, throwing another one of his flirtations in your direction in a shameless way that reminds you of something.

It's been absolutely a long time since you've touched a man and haven't felt inclined towards anyone, but it did sound tempting to reciprocate the flirtation with a smug and suggestive smile. 

"Why do they say that base doesn't leave people alive for long?" You ask again, practically ignoring your flirtation.

"Ah, we're back to comfortable danger... I don't know. But perhaps the base will make an exception for you because it's very beautiful." Kylo shrugged, finishing his juice slowly, savoring it. You bow your eyebrow.

"Don't you think you're thrown?" You ask critically, frowning as you cross your arms, but in a second you undo the movement as you realize Kylo looks at your muscles contracting, going beyond what's necessary in your assessment, just for the sheer fucking sake of your complaint.

"Does it bother you that I am?" He finally rebounds, looking directly into his eyes.

This action gives you vertigo and then it's like you know him so deeply and at the same time have the full knowledge that nothing you know of him. But here it is, the mixture of sensations that put you on a nostalgic leap for something you don't completely know with a... Strange... And that doesn't exactly make any sense, you just feel it, you just swallow it dry with all the vertigo that brings you down with total force because when you see it bend a little more, unconsciously, in that long exchange of glances, you see that you don't make the slightest question of backing down, not this time.

"I don't like the way he looks at you. He knows you're only mine?" You can clearly hear the voice in a low critical tone as if it told you a secret in your damaged mind, his voice... The man of your dreams, the jealous tone puts you in a position of discomfort. No, no... You doubt that you have someone really speaking in your mind, they're just memories of all the dreams you've ever had.

"No, it doesn't." You assert it safely, making Kylo smile at you cryptically, and for some reason, it warmed you... Not attractively, but something good.

"So I don't see any problem in taking action when one part is a little slow." The humorous glow in your eyes puts you back in the same position of previous conflict, the sound of your laughter echoing in your head and you don't know how to respond without having a slight embarrassment going up your face in the form of a blush.

"We met yesterday, literally, Mr. Ren." You deny it with your head.

"We met? We seem to have known each other for centuries, don't we? And we will... You feel it too." He shrugs.

You don't trust people, but he seems to trust you too much, doesn't even care to assume you're purposefully being quick and openly flirting as if you have absolutely nothing to lose with it.

You love another.

And you also can't explain what's happening because it's happening too fast. That makes you back down. 

"Well... In an hour I have an important meeting." Kylo says standing up, making you stand up together.

You feel it when he stands in front of you with his intense eyes gazing at you with expectations. You don't back down when your body bows to yours, not so loud, your lips touching your earlobe, your breath hitting your face, but you don't care either.

"You should get out of here. Nothing good happens when you're stubborn. I've pushed others away, but you, I can't. Leave this base, forget everything and move to your own base that you can see the planet Earth. Where I'm sure you'll be happy." Your definitive advice made you take a step back, trying to quickly contain the shivers that quickly go up your spine.

"No! It was nice talking to you, Kylo. I like your company despite the flirtations. Maybe we'll do it again another day." You suggest after denying to leave your new home for whatever reason.

"Likewise, (Y/N). Who knows we might not repeat it?" Give me a shoulder. "Thanks for breakfast. It's been a long time since I've seen anyone nice." 

And that's the only reason you allow him to break his boundaries and come close to your body, taking your left cheek in a slow, affectionate kiss. The impression is that Kylo is potentially someone lacking in physical and emotional affection, and nothing explains his transparent appreciation that you allowed this kiss on your cheek as a stranger. When he's gone, you're lonely and have a silly smile on your face.

You have visualized the man of your dreams as Kylo Ren, and it has never seemed so right before, making you feel fragile shivers all over your body because your beloved's personality fits with the perfect appearance of the cheeky man who so brazenly flirted with you as if it were his property.

You take an apple from the fruit bowl, washing and biting. You put the fruit aside when you see a white paper with something written stuck between the fruit. A note.

"Look me up if you even want a good friend. I swear I won't attack you if you give me room. Maybe, if you piss me off but I find it hard to. And even if I did, I'd make an exception because you're very pretty.

\- KR."

He really seems to want to stay close for some reason you're completely unaware of.


	5. Feelings.

(Y/N) dream point;

The paralysis of my body becomes such a familiar ecstasy. All the bitter years I spend being a spectator in that strange body, loving someone who does not belong to me in life or even death or never would, made me accustomed and coldly comfortable... And everything I wanted would never be within reach of my hands and I know this by the way I observe, without any control, the sound of my laughter, of the arms that delicately surround my waist. The kiss on the back of my neck, giving me the creeps and making me captive of feelings that enter without any permission, without my will.

And somewhere inside me, I finally understand that I am not sovereign of myself, controlled like a mannequin by thoughts that are not mine, it is suffocating to have all those uncontrollable thoughts... About how I... She... Loves to be wrapped in this man's arms, the warm, sweet kisses on the back of her neck and shoulders giving her the creeps. How he loves the sound of the voice in his ear, whispering words that have led me to the deepest exasperation, of those who touch the soul and leave you totally lost of yourself, even when there is nothing else to be lost.

"You should understand that you are too much mine to think that I will worry about tomorrow. It doesn't matter, (Y/N)... One year, three, four, a hundred years, three hundred or even five hundred, whatever it is, you are mine enough for your soul to intertwine mine for eternity. Can you believe me?" The voice whispers in my ear, a secret you don't want anyone else to hear.

"Let's spoil things, my love..." My mouth moves slowly, in a low voice, my fingers caressing my hand resting on my belly in that firm and delicious grip.

"Isn't that what we do most? Every day between the walls of that castle we glance at each other and pretend we're nothing but a prince and a lady of company, but then we melt away being all of each other in a matter of minutes?" Another kiss on the back of my head and I feel the deck being pulled by my own hands, without control, covering the heads of the two of us inside the deck so that we don't suffer from the torrential cold of wherever we are.

In that pitch, I feel as if my eyes are blindfolded, as if I'm playing blind with my own feelings. So sweet, I can feel the adrenaline that snakes my body in warmth while my lips are fleshy and the fresh taste of the kiss I love so much, the desperate adrenaline of something forbidden to feel and I know it, my stranger that I have never seen my face wrapped in his loving arms, moving the big body gently over mine. Ah! I can feel... I can feel my body correspond to yours, it's feather soft as the fingers fingernail my waist and the purest consuming fire that corrodes my entrails and runs through my veins, I desire to burn and somehow I know that only it can burn me.

They say that the world can end in Ice and Fire, but at that moment it could end in both my skin and turn me to dust in front of that caress. The crackling was love and desire intertwining in our bodies, nothing more sublime than how I can feel this man in my arms in a mutual surrender. The intensity suffocates me, I hear the confused thoughts that I cannot control, but I want nothing more than to be able to control the body of my hostess and to break the curves of this man.

I understand that I cannot, it torments me in every fiber of my being that I cannot have what I want at this very moment and I feel it against my lips. The fun with the seriousness of my host while I am just a mere viewer evaporates as her lips touch the skin of my neck in kisses, descending to the bust, then to the belly. The tasty fremitus in my belly, different from what I usually feel. I feel it when your hands open my thighs and your lips touch my center.

BAH!

You suddenly wake up with chills going up your spine, your mouth dries up and your breathing changes. The paralysis in your body is well known as you try to take a deep breath, seeking balance at its core, the movements returning to you slowly sticking your fingers between the sheets, squeezing and pulling as you close your eyes. The burning in your womb, with totally different traits that I had in my dream. Your body burns and you feel how painful it is.

You waited for the realistic sensations of the dream to fade, but that never happened, it's still there... The voice, the smell... The hand touching you... Sensations that don't add up make your body react. You lower your compression shorts, touching yourself with your hands, your mind clouded by pleasure as you glide your hand slowly through your genitals, it creeps your skin remembering the mouth on you.

And you can feel, the sensation of observation as you slide to the most thinking only of the man who owns you that does not even exist but this is a detail that does not matter at the moment, does not scare, still focused on giving you pleasure, biting your own lip to avoid groaning. You reach the apex, wetting your hand and the sheet that covers you. Minutes were necessary for you to cover your senses totally, in is if and compressed your lips in satisfaction.

A great time for you to remember that your brother was at that base, and that you would probably be informed about "this strange event" that was on your sheet, which made you smile ironically at the whole situation where you can't care about this fact totally, not even Kylo's warning about walking away from the base and going to a place where you were sure you would be happy. Your happiness lies in the man of your dreams who touched you and made you wake up so excited, he doesn't exist, that's a bigger madness than not fearing what your brother can do if he finds your dirty sheet in the laundry room.

You don't mind lying down for a while longer, still feeling the same way. Get out of bed and dispose of the dirty sheet in the dirty clothes and go take a bath. While your safety sounds a little threatened, you may feel your comfort because, in fact, you were not caring for so many things, the emotional lethargy that made you question why you still live. If something on that basis can take from you something that shouldn't be there anymore, great, then let it come with all the breath that someone else is capable of. You're not afraid.

Your plans for attack were already flowing more naturally, you felt that little by little you were able to organize a decent mission. It's still hard to start something you love after so many years, even forgiveness... You owe it to yourself to forgive, how crazy is that when you think? You come out of the bath with a genuine smile on your lips. It's been so long since you felt that way, and all because of the mysterious man of your dreams.

Your ghost...

You come out of the bathroom and look scared to your bed. Millicient was lying on his bed, lying on his fluffy little paws. She looks alert and only when she sees you, she stands up, walking towards you and then jumping out of bed for the sole purpose of rubbing herself on your legs. You bend down and scratch your little ears, listening to her purr loudly. Millicient is sneaky, you've only seen her three times but she already seems so attached to you that she now practically refuses to leave your side until you go back to the bathroom to change. But you didn't complain. You knew cats are loyal when they choose their owners. 

After you went back to your room, you saw a letter on the table. You sighed deeply before you opened it;

"Please take Millicient to the vet for me. I'm very busy and couldn't get any space in my schedule. Please, break that branch for your brother.

\- AH." 

You smiled with your tongue between your teeth.

"Hey, baby. Today you're going for a walk with me." You talk to Millicient who looks at you like he can understand perfectly what you were saying.

Millicient could hate you after you were smelly and healthy so she could lie in your bed. You take the cat in your hands, you wouldn't take her in the cage, Millicient isn't scared of people and has always been quiet in his arms the few times you've gone out on the street with her, but you'd take the cage if she had to take any shots and leave her lying there so she doesn't move around too much and it hurts even more.

On the way, you keep an eye on Millicient lying all spread out on her lap and giving her a nap without knowing about the likely vaccinations and bathing that awaits her. Poor, naive kitty... This lasts until you take him out of his sleep by putting him on a specific cat bed. The vet who attends to you seems to check you with excessive attention and exaggerates the dose of sympathy, making you arch your eyebrow.

"You have a strong, healthy cat here." The vet, Juan, smiles.

"It's not mine. It's my brother's, Hux." You explain it calmly, watching the man roll his eyes when his brother is quoted.

"Oh yeah, well, he's lucky to have a kitten like that then." Comment, preparing the needle to give the vaccines on your brother's pet that already looks ugly, predicting what will come next.

"I'm sorry, Millicient" You think, feeling completely slackened by the way she looks at you with her big, sparkling eyes, immobilized as a precaution, even if there wasn't the slightest effort to struggle while the needle is stuck in her. [...]

"Tell your brother to feed you without dyes and avoid milk and any human food, I promise the kitten will be even healthier." The vet gives you the tiniest smile he could think of... flirting, causing you to cross your arms and seriously arch your eyebrow again.

"Thank you!" Thank you for the information, even if you think your brother already knew all about it. You pay the cat with a grumpy expression on her face and put her in the cage.

The base petshop is empty, your lucky day, so Millicient doesn't take long to start your bath. You were leaning on the counter, hammering on your head about how unnecessary the vet doctor was.

You feel firm hands touching your waist from behind and you feel your body stiffening, the chills rising in your skin. It doesn't scare you. This sensation fills you when you feel the breath near the back of your neck, the gentle breeze bringing to you the delicious scent of flora and sea breeze. It is the smell that gives you the exact feeling of freedom when you have your bare feet in the wet earth and the rain wetting your skin as a child. The few seconds of sensation were equivalent to an eternity when you feel your hand drifting away from your waist.

You allow yourself to turn to look at the face of your intruder who throws you into a spiral of sensations that only your dreams were capable of. And here it is... After days without seeing him. You fall on your head when you see that he's wearing a mask, but the sensation in his chest is still bittersweet.

"What a surprise, (Y/N)!" Kylo greets you with a hand nod. You give a smile in response.

"I say the same, sir. Have you come for an animal?" You question, pretending to be natural that it doesn't necessarily live in you at this time. If there's something you don't feel, it's naturalness, it makes you nervous, but keeps your appearance serious. 

You don't like feeling emotionally exposed and vulnerable. Those closest to you may know you in your vulnerability, it will be human and real, but it will never show something to large groups of people, it is uncomfortable, your weaknesses are yours alone, and there, Kylo Ren is a stranger who intimidates you with what you can be capable of with so little, and you do not know why.

"I came to see the dog I rescued on a mission." He points and you look back, watching a huge dog get up at the sight of Kylo and wag its tail.

"Nice dog." Compliment, turning your gaze to him. You feel Kylo approaching and touching a lock of your hair, putting it behind your ear, walking away as suddenly as he approached, leaving you standing and inert in his attitude, hypnotized.

He goes up to him and you watch the way the man takes off his gloves to cuddle the bug, while a man comes up to you with Millicient's cage. Kylo was coming back when he saw the man and stopped walking, keeping away. Which made you absolutely weird about the attitude. You thank him and look inside the cage, seeing your brother's cat lying down and shrinking. You see the floor and the password number of his room stuck in the cage, with a tape, pulling out an ironic smile. What's wrong with these people?

Kylo chases the man in white with his eyes, but you chase him that he doesn't look at you at any time and that the man only decides to approach you when he's out of sight.

"I didn't know you had a cat." Comment Kylo naturally. You're surprised he seems extremely tense now, but let it go, turning the cage over so she can look and Millicient sleeping.

"It's from my brother. But it seems she's far more attached to me than she is to him, please don't tell him." The man agrees by putting the glove on his hand. Tense.

"Cats are special, (Y/N). She chose you, take good care of her." The voice said in a calm tone but because of the voice alternator on his helmet, it came out as a reprimand or an order. But it gave her the creeps in the back of her head.

"The dog that picked you is also special, Kylo. Take good care of him." You blinked relaxed.

"I'm not staying with him."

"Oh, why not?" 

"I don't have time to take care of a dog." You settle down, assessing Kylo moving his hands behind his body. 

"You gonna train now?"

"Yes."

"May I accompany you?" 

Your heart speeds up when the proposal comes out of your mouth without permission. And you seem to get into a fight with yourself and swallow dry because somehow you're being assaulted by feelings you shouldn't feel. Shared emotions. You feel when he wants to get close, and for a few moments, it was so much desire that you almost called him closer. The need to have you close and the mixture of longing that seemed to sound.

It's something like a radio station that falls down and comes back, with insistent noises and nothing perfect, but somehow it's there, inside you, with you. Scared, you step back, but it walks closer and breaks the distance between you two. 

"Do it again and who knows, in minutes, you won't regret it?" You feel your hand touching your face, thumbing the apple of your cheek, drawing lines to touch your lip.

"I'll just walk you down the hall. I'm not going to practice with you." You murmur in a low voice, containing yourself so as not to give in to all your impulses. You walk away when you hear your beloved's voice from dreams, always there, as a reminder.

"Well. You may accompany me, on one condition..." something inside you shakes. Are you intimidated? Should you feel that way? You don't know what Kylo Ren had done to you and why he insisted on it, but you felt the mystic and the mystery surrounding you pulling you closer.

"I'm sorry!" Your thoughts were directed at those who are not real. The man of your dreams is not real, but in front of you there was a real one, in the flesh, you can feel all your not pure intentions, that convincing golden one that you are going to the right way. And you know you're not going the right way, you can feel in the midst of mixed emotions that you're about to make a pact with the Devil. 

He offers you through more disquieting things that you can't deny having, not when he surprises you and hugs you around the waist possessively and you understand once again the look he gave you at breakfast. "You can become their property too." The phrase goes through your head fast.

"Hold me! Let that man see. Believe me, you don't want him on your foot." He whispers in your ear, making you blink from your hypnotized state in the arms of this stranger known to you as if he were in the habit of doing so.

His eyes went behind Kylo, the veterinary doctor standing with his arms crossed, looking at us. You were confused, how did Kylo see you if you ever looked back? That harsh expression... Automatically, you pass one of your arms around Kylo, squeezing him against your body and getting lost in his reaction, which even makes you forget why you were like that with him.

Your fingers tighten at your waist, the leather of the glove scratching you right over the blouse you were wearing. Hypnotism... sharing the purest form of hypnotism by having the world disappear at your feet. And you can say he feels the same with intensity and total certainty.

"What's that?" Your questioning makes Kylo slide his hands away from his body.

"You're not ready, (Y/N). You're stuck with what you could be, not what you are. I'd push you away if I told you half of what... That's it. I don't know if you can live with it, you know?" Kylo gestures with his hand, subtly pushing you away from touching his body.

Despite the sincerity, you feel you are not everything, you can at least ask him about the vet, but you don't have time to do it. Since Kylo holds your hand and marches out of the base petshop without saying anything. You take one last look back and see the vet still looking at us strangely.

"What's with the petshop boy?" You ask, holding the Millicient's cage tight. 

"Ah, (Y/N)... You're so curious about what you shouldn't... I wouldn't like my answer here and now." Kylo makes a noise that should be a laugh, a hoarse, and you're seduced to look at it by tearing the paper out of the cage and denting it.

"What audacity! That was mine!" You mock, completely indifferent to him throwing something away without your permission.

"It was not... It couldn't be yours, (Y/N)... Someday you'll understand that you can barely belong to yourself so you can have something from someone." You bow your eyebrow with Kylo Ren's pretentiousness and haughtiness that you seem so sure of something. Petulant.

"And from whom may I have something, Mr. Kylo Ren? From you?" You ask with mockery.

"I was wrong about your readiness. You understand quickly when it comes to someone challenging your self-confidence about yourself." The rebound came in a tone of boredom that puts you lucid enough to know you were about to start something that wouldn't end anytime soon.

Your eyes wander through the man's hand reaching over your shoulder and holding you firmly, causing you to swallow dry. Your heart skipped when he slid his hand over your arm. You just wanted to ask him to stop... Not to touch you, but to assault your emotions with... whatever he's doing. You can feel it and it threatens to become a warm fire that would rock you with the sensations... of the dream. That intensity takes shape and burns you. You feel everything in dreams and now you have your experience of feelings that are similar and potentialized to those in the dream as if everything had come out of there to see real life.

For the first time, you were not the viewer of your thoughts, your actions, let alone your wills. Only you...

"So?"

"Your answer is yes and you know it's only by the expression on your face. You want to belong to me and you want to know the feeling of really having me in your arms and somehow you know that you're not fast enough for what you've been waiting for all your life. Look at me when you think of the other." The appeal touched the bottom of your mind and you didn't want to have time to reflect.

You rushed the step to enter your room and escape the presence of man. It wasn't too far from where you were. The path was silent and you didn't have the courage to break it. You made silence your best friend because you didn't know what to answer, you had no effective rebounds against him. The stranger who knows you with the palm of his hand knows how to leave you unarmed and on your knees while you seem to know nothing about who he is.

He knows about the other... His beloved... How? Why? Stars! What is he? You feel him probing your emotions, you can do what he does and finally, you find yourself scared, desperate and your fingers squeezing hard in the cage, stopping in your hallway and waiting for him to make his way to the training room.

You take a long breath, as if your life depended on it - and you don't doubt that it does - and you're sure that you need some time, you need to leave the presence of Kylo Ren and disappear with the weight of the world you feel, that tears you apart, so close to discovering that you must carry the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders.

"Deliver!" You say it in a low voice, not daring to look at the man.

"You need time... I'll give it to you. You want the consequences? I'll give it to you, too. I need to see you, (Y/N), I need to be close. Please don't push me away." Kylo uses the low tone of voice that comes out of the helmet.

You feel the radio connection slowly being lost and it makes you dream of a void, as if it were part of your creation, created to have your emotions manipulated by someone and that sounds so sickly correct.

"How do you know there's another?" You ask, ignoring any suggestion that might come from him at the moment. 

"I just know!" Simple as that, with no intention of explaining anything deeply. Hell!

"One last question, Mr. Ren... a single one. Be honest" you're capable of opening your mouth to ask, ripping all the attention out of it that you could rip out.

"One single question and I'll be honest." Allow it, but you give a tired, ironic smile. You don't believe him.

"What's wrong with that boy? He reacted so badly... Is he dangerous?" You ask, changing the initial question you'd make. Kylo might just think you're insane if you ask what he really wants.

"It's not dangerous...not for you. I just don't want to put you in the middle of something that doesn't come out so soon, in case it gives him morale. But what's so intriguing about him anyway? I thought you were interested in someone else, or did I miss that?" He asked ironically.

"I am, and he's not intriguing!" You hit back automatically, making Kylo nod and mumble, "That's exactly what I imagined." You squeeze your lips on a thin kinha with such prepotency from the man.

"So... why? Why do you want to know so much?" You question Kylo as if you haven't heard a word out of my mouth that makes sense.

"Curiosity... You practically forced me to go through something that can be interpreted by many as romantic being that I hardly know you." Your critical tone didn't seem to shake Kylo.

"Well... I thought we were past the "you barely know me" part. What do you really want to ask me that's afraid of the answer?" Kylo is frighteningly direct. He seems to read your thoughts.

"It doesn't matter!" You wave your hand, a clear sign to leave it there.

"Whatever you say, (Y/N). I'll be here when you feel ready for all the answers."

You see him approach your body without any fear. You end up closing your eyes when you feel the man's hand caress your belly over your blouse.

"It gets even more tempting when you show you're lost because I'm close and not because of things life has caused you, (Y/N). We don't have my self-control because I've never had that when it comes to you. You know what I mean, right there, deep down." The whispering made you open your eyes, somehow takes his warning as seriously as he asks you to.

You're not afraid he'll grab you, he's clearly a handsome man, but the magnetism is too deep for you to want to try and play with something like that and gladly accept that you shouldn't play with luck for something that would get out of your control entirely.

"Good morning, Kylo Ren." You whisper to him.

His hand touches your chin gently and then walks away, following one of the halls that would take him to the training room. You practically run to your room to meet the same way you met every time.

Insanely lost, but only this time, for a different reason than usual.


	6. Tower of feelings.

If there is one thing you would like to say to anyone who comes to you, for better or for worse, it is that you have never had much of the virtue of patience. You try to improve this aspect, but it is so instinctive and spontaneous that you don't feel when you are being impatient. The ironic thing is that to deal with your impatience you have to be patient, very patient. You have always been very short-sighted, uncontrollable in language, little involved in dramas that are not about your own life, and you have never stuck anyone in how you feel. 

You're sorry, and I hope someday someone will understand all your reasons for being like you and being who you are. 

And you're also very sorry because it might take a while to happen. You don't know yourself, you understand? You don't know who you are, you just know that it still keeps you alive and makes you want to have every bit of yourself.

Love.

Ever since you were a child, with eagerness, this has always been all you wanted and never wanted anything more than that. You have been impatient in your search for love, not only in the romantic aspect, but in all aspects of your life. Even if you don't think yourself worthy of it, you want it, you need it, that's all you're looking for, thirsty. Even if you hesitate at first... One fact about you, is that you will accept when you are offered love, sooner or later, because no matter how ephemeral love is, I want to feel the tastes and even the non-tastes that the feeling can cause in someone.

And that all leads you to Kylo Ren's request... for you to think of him. You should, shouldn't you? He's real, flesh and blood... You know you're hesitating and you don't know why, for that matter, you know... It's so confusing and lost to internal time that you'd only like to end it at once, put an end to what didn't seem viable to take forward. You shouldn't be hesitating for any second when you're clearly interested in someone intriguing, daring and petulant.

You look at Millicient who once again escaped from her brother's room and came to yours, the cat was lazily lying on the carpet in her room and you make sure she has clean water and new food to spend the rest of the day, you really didn't intend to go back to that room so soon. You walk at considerable speed, wandering the halls trying to find Kylo's room. 

After minutes that seemed like hours, you finally manage to find it. You knock on the door three times and hear the doorknob turn and the door open, revealing the tired image of Kylo who smiles when he sees you there.

"You can wipe that little smile off your face, sir." You take a chance with a confident expression on your face making the man roll his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" 

"Ouch! I was telling stories to the kids and they slept. I decided to stop by because it was close to where I was." You lied, but you knew Kylo knew you were lying. It was just a joke.

"You must be really tedious to make the kids sleep without a wake-up call." He debauches.

"Hey! The kids love my stories, okay?" You protested. I thought he was gonna cut the joke and not continue it, did he know it was just a joke?

"Okay, I don't doubt it. It's just weird that none of them refused to sleep." He answers, crossing his legs and bending over you. "I also find it funny that you're telling stories to ghosts, because there are no children here."

You couldn't fight back. He was very close, his eyes fixed on you with intensity. He could barely blink, hypnotized by the way he held your gaze. You couldn't stop yourself from bending to him, too, raising your hand and touching the man's face and holding his lower lip with your thumb, pressing gently while he seemed so hypnotized as you or even more. For the first time, Kylo Ren seemed more compassionate about you than you were about her.

You can feel everything, the way it moistens your own fleshy lips and bites with desire as you look at yours... Not the purely carnal desire, but the desire to be close to you in some way, whatever it is, your eyes reveal something that in the first instance shocks you: pain and longing, you don't even know why you always see him looking at you with such longing, and you just want to hug him and say you are here. It doesn't make any sense.

With admiration, you watch his eyes close and his nose touch yours. You have your deep hypnosis connection broken when a stormtrooper appears in the hall. You widen your eyes as you gaze at the same thing that you keep walking calmly as if you haven't seen anything. Your face seems to catch fire with shame because of the accusing form that the stormtrooper picked up on you.

"What was that? There's no stormtrooper in my hallway. What a fright!" You whisper in Kylo's direction that you seemed to be having fun.

"Come in." 

You smile inside the room, you don't even know if it was just a room. It was giant. Bigger than yours. Bigger than yours.

"Okay, we both know you're not here because you were telling stories to kids." Kylo sits on a couch and you follow him with the look. "Tell me, what are you doing here? Do you want to know something?"

"Well, no. Did you have to have a reason to come here?" Kylo seemed to enjoy his lack of courage in asking what he really wanted to ask.

"Do you believe in reincarnation?"

He fixes his back in a straight posture, tries to keep his expression severe, and you can notice that... And you think it's as sexy as the veins on his pretty hands appear when he closes his hands. You'd like to see his hands more often. And in a magical twist what Kylo commented earlier adds to his head as if basically watching how beautiful his hands are and raising his chin also beautiful as if he were connected to a mysterious force that helps the planets align. So beautiful...

"(Y/N)?" Kylo's voice bouncing back in the room firmly creeps you out.

This feeling when Kylo pronounces his name... causes effects on you instincts and memories, the kind your dream love made you feel, and it fascinates you, intrigues you. 

"Excuse me! I didn't pay attention, can you repeat?" You blink hard, pressing your temples.

You see Kylo look at you patient and even curious. It was only a few minutes immersed in your thoughts, or you think it was.

"You practically had a blackout while looking at me for almost twenty-five minutes. I couldn't interrupt, I'm sorry. It's strange, it happened to me several times, but watching it happen to someone else. Almost as if you were hypnotized while looking at me." Kylo shook his head negatively.

Twenty-five minutes. That was the furthest mental blackout you've ever had in your life, and you knew what Kylo was talking about, too.

"You have that, too?"

"Yes, I do. I asked if you... believe in reincarnations." He explained Kylo, making you swallow dry.

"It's just fantasy." You murmur, sigh, caress your own forehead. Your head hurts. 

"Fantasy"? You think reincarnation is fantasy?" He questions. It doesn't even seem to bring you to the brink of insanity when he looks at you.

"I never believed it." You just confess.

"So stubborn..." Kylo whispering in a direct censorship to you.

You've always been convinced of your beliefs, never cheated on them... Except when you realized you'd never be able to love a man because you were stuck with the man of your dreams. But there was Kylo, questioning as if he thought it was impressive that you never believed in reincarnation.

"Excuse me?"

"I said you're stubborn, but that's not the case," (Y/N). I respect your beliefs, but you never cogitated? A vast universe that holds so many secrets." Kylo questions you, looking down on the ground. It bothered you.

"I try to be open-minded...and you? Do you believe?" That was probably a stupid question. If he didn't believe you, why would he ask you about it?

"I believe because I can give you details of my own experience that I didn't even ask to have." Kylo finally looks at you and shakes his head.

The headache starts to get uncomfortable again. You understand what he says, but it seems so surreal that you deny it with your head slightly, The headache begins to be uncomfortable so that Kylo won't talk anymore. You don't want to listen and he's absolutely right when he says you don't want to know the truth.

You never wanted truths, you always wanted only the unreachable.

"Tell me something..." Kylo asks, lifting the body from the couch and approaching you. You take two steps back automatically, even if the man kept advancing until he ripped all the personal space out of you.

"Yes..." You don't reject it when you feel your hands gently wrap around your shoulders, your fingers caressing your scalp. 

"What was he like?"

You give in to all the mental pressure when you feel your breath beat near your mouth in a whisper. You close your fingers at your waist, bringing it to you, pressing your body to his in an intensity that made your heart race and your breath change. Kylo opens his lips with contact, looking for what to say about something he seems to hold back.

"My question..." closed his eyes hard and then opened again.

"I don't know your name, I don't know your face. All I know is that I love that man madly and would give anything to have him, it's my only wish." You're sincere in your answer, loosening the grip on his waist to leave him free to go.

"Your only wish and it's here... Holding on to me... With what intention?" he asks, making you deny it with your head slightly hurried.

"I want to kiss you." His voice comes out low in a deep confession, so low that Kylo hardly listens.

The chills go up your spine as you feel your fingertips run across your arms, shoulders, caress your neck. You close your eyes when you feel it touch your face. It's disturbing to realize that he was right. You want him, you want to know how it feels to have your lips on his and that is so inevitable to feel... attracted like a magnet from the beginning, even if you had totally rejected the idea.

"Why?" You feel the whisper along with the imperceptible rubbing of your lips, tearing you from your own body in a frantic state unknown.

You need to think a little to respond, to try to be coherent when you don't feel inclined, control fading through your fingers tight at the waist of the man when the soft air hits, the smell of roses guilty of lack of control and you can only, instead of kissing, hold the male body against yours as if it were the last thing you would do being alive, so you can finally free yourself from the doubt that fills your heart about Kylo Ren. The reason...

"You remind me of him... In the smallest details... I love him so much, I'm sorry." You take a sigh, knowing how wrong it is. You want him to feed your fantasies of a nonexistent love. You let go of his waist, letting his arms fall close to his body.

Kylo doesn't seem offended by his confession, or upset. He seems so engrossed in something within his own mind as he strokes his cheek that you don't have the courage to step aside and stop killing from within your being the desire to have your lips fleshy that were gently punished by his teeth. You don't contain yourself by leaning your forehead on his, preventing with your thumb from continuing to bite your own lip temptingly, keeping your hands on his face.

"I understand... You just need to get your head together, dear. We're not gonna live forever, not in this galaxy. One hour the cycle started by that promise ends. I'm here, not him. The tragedies, day after day, are caused by disaffection, but there are also the tragedies caused by love... We accompany the infinite cycle of redemption, the incessant search for something our souls long for, and if at the end of the day, it is I who can cherish you from your despair, from that loneliness... It will be all right for you to love another because it makes no difference to me, and at some point, it won't even make any difference to you, you will forget what it feels like not to have that man. Will you allow me? If we're still here, if that's what you want and what I want... If our only purpose is to share the desire for healing and to make up for the lack of something, to find something and find ourselves... We have nothing to lose."

You don't need to hear it coming out of his lips again You feel like Kylo holds your face and dominates your whole being like it's not the first time, the feeling of ambiguous dominance in my body because I feel like déjà vu from one of the dreams, but this time, even if you feel the dominance of Kylo's body, you also feel that you dominate all his movements. [...] They were yours. The way you allow yourself to touch Kylo with more intimacy than necessary, your wills predominating in how you tighten your waist and caress, intoxicating your touch, you feel it take your sense of smell so familiar and fill your palate with your taste when your lips push against yours.

Your heart misses a beat before it accelerates madly. You open your lips to feel more deeply the intensity Kylo Ren grabs your hair and kisses your mouth with ease. You feel it... You miss him, you feel his despair to have you near, to have you to correspond to the kiss as he sucks your lips, interweaves his tongue to yours... The only thing you offer Kylo Ren at that moment is something you haven't offered any man before.

You.

You offer yourself to him, this stranger acquaintance, with only a suggestive kiss. Not the sexual way, it's not about that. You offer yourself as a tribute to healing, your barriers lowering themselves to something inevitable. He wants you and accepts you with all the problems, scars and conflicting feelings and you... You accept him with all his mystery that may mean all or nothing, something that is left to you alone to decide.

You feel when your breath is lost between the kiss breaking slowly with sorrow. You don't feel lucid, but you also know that he is not, among those insane feelings, one of the most varied that you cannot keep up with in the extraordinary and shocking connection that you have. You feel it when it deposits a seal on your lips, making you sigh as you have it slipping out of your arms. With no word to keep your sanity in place, you see him dodge away and stand by, watching him take his way out of your room. Not without first getting your helmet. 

Narrator.

(Y/N). Hux. The name imprinted on Kylo's memory since he was very young. The person who always knew how to wait for a time that he would not dare to tell, was afraid to scare him with things that were not common.

He bows to his own insanity, leaning his hands on the pillow where a sleeping woman's head rested, the serene expression never seen on the other days that he visited her like that to kill her need to be near. (Y/N) always had a troubled sleep and also knew to have disturbing dreams, but not that day. Kylo Ren gently stroked the curves of (Y/N)'s lips so as not to wake his wife.

His diamond, the most precious one in the Galaxy for you.

The man did something that he always stubbornly avoided after waking up from anguishing dreams, lethargic flashes that took him out of control. For pure relief, he cried. A silent, fervent cry.

It was so much relief that it hurt.


End file.
